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I haven’t written in here for a while, but it certainly wasn’t for lack of needing to vent. Things were really bad when I was out of my medication. I finally got a refill a little over a week ago, and I’m just now starting to level out again. Time to take a tally:

Bad Things:

  • I’m having really bad night sweats, bad dreams, and flashbacks/panic attacks. It’s been so bad that I’ve gone to the ER for being severely dehydrated from it.
  • Still being affected by triggers, most annoying is being triggered by taking a shower
  • I’m getting annoyed at my doctors. They just keep changing and adding things to my diagnosis and it’s frustrating. Not to mention that I STILL haven’t been told the results of my previous brain MRI. I just want to hope that no news is good news.
  • Still having PNES seizures
  • Having trouble eating, I’m constantly feeling sick due to getting used to my medication again
  • I’m sure I’m doing miserably in my online classes. I don’t even have the heart to check on them. Never, ever doing online classes again, it’s too hard for me to manage, especially when I’m still barely managing to handle my mental health.
  • As far as I know, my mom is still being sent to Africa for her job.

Good Things:

  • I have my medication again, and it’s starting to work on me again! I can already tell that I’m in way better shape than I was a few weeks ago.
  • I’m learning how to manage my panic attacks/ PNES. When I feel it hit me, I do breathing exercises and try to objectively observe what’s happening to me. Learning this is HARD, and I’m really struggling to do it. But I get these things at least a few times per day so I get plenty of practice.
  • I’m able to enjoy some things like I used to again
  • I’m starting to feel better about my appearance, after loosing all that weight. Being off my depo provera shots has helped a lot in clearing up my acne, I think. 
  • Overall I think that my mental condition is starting to improve again
  • People are being patient and understanding with me, whether or not they really know what my full ‘illness’ is. That takes so much of my pressure and guilt away it’s unbelievable.
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